Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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