white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
