I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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