You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wish you could order shots online.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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