I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
