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im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
