I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
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Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
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Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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