I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
