My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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