My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
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i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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