i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
