: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
