I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
