i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
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I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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