I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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