This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
