Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
