just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
