I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
