Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
