your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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