i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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