I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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