dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
