Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
