your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
