90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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