Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
