stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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