My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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