anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
