Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
