Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
