And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
