Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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