Moan for me like Helen Keller
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
