remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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