its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.