i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight