Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.