Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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