Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
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woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
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I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him