We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.