Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
