so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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