If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
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I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
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Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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