Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
