She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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