so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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