I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
