Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
