I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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