I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
