Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
