His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We had sex on a dog bed..
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize