so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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