we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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