The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
