you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
