If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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