I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
