Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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