you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
