ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize