WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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