thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
