just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
