I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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