Your tits are I can't wait for
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
