HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
