The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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