Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Success! We fucked roommates!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
