I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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