I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
