drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
