I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Small penises have feelings too.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
