Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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